The Right Noise
People always used to tell me that getting older meant I'd stop taking everything so seriously. That I'd care less about what people thought. That I'd eventually arrive at this magical destination called "Whatever."
Sounds lovely. Only... I think I may have missed that exit. In fact, some days I feel like I've gone in completely the opposite direction.
What's the excuse for this? Because honestly, most of my friends are very funny people. Sure, they complain about the usual day-to-day nonsense, but generally they seem to be able to let a lot go. They shrug. They move on. They don't spend an hour mentally rewriting a conversation they had at the grocery store.
I sometimes wonder if it's the stage of life I'm in? The sandwich generation thing. A 14-year-old living in my house part of the time, an ageing mama who needs me in different ways... trying to be in a lot of places at once and wishing I could cut myself in half to get there. Maybe that's part of it. Maybe it's just the low-level hum of responsibility that never really switches off.
Or maybe it's the state of the world. But, I absolutely hate that as being at all true. Life has always been life. Take a look at history and then find we have it extremely good. Every generation has had its version of "well... this is all a bit much."
Lately I'm seeing endless articles about nervous system regulation, as if it's the new wellness religion. Forget perimenopause and hormone therapy—that's apparently already out of fashion. Now we're all regulating our vagus nerve and breathing into our diaphragms as a cure-all.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for looking after ourselves. But sometimes I wonder if we've slightly lost the plot. Our values seem to have quietly slipped out the back door while nobody was looking. Kids are mesmerised by influencers climbing onto rooftops for the perfect photo. Adults aren't much better. Fillers, Botox, surgery, miracle injections promising effortless weight loss... and everyone's chasing the next thing that's going to fix them.
Meanwhile I'm trying to remember why I walked into the kitchen.
Then I catch myself thinking...Am I being judgemental? If someone wants Botox, that's their business. If they want fillers or weight-loss medication, what exactly has that got to do with me? And, why does it bother me?
That's the bit I'm interested in.
Because it isn't really about Botox.
It's about this creeping feeling that we've become spectacularly good at distracting ourselves from the things that actually make us feel alive.
Which brings me right back to where I started.
Shouldn't I be getting a healthy dose of that glorious "screw it" attitude by now? Instead, it sometimes feels like the little things have become... louder. More irritating. Occasionally overwhelming. This is the stuff I think about these days BUT the good news is, I also know the tools.
I turn the news off. I barely spend time on social media anymore. Half of what appears in my feed is AI-generated weirdness that's either painfully stupid or vaguely disturbing. Although... let's be fair. The recipes can stay. I am absolutely not giving up food videos. Show me someone whisking together a ridiculous salad dressing or flaking apart a perfectly cooked piece of salmon before stuffing it into a taco and suddenly I'm fully invested. My mouth is watering just writing this. Oh, and then there’s the gardening guy who makes fun of the guys in the food p*rn videos. You know who I mean and if you don’t, go search him up fast and thank me later…
So anyway, maybe the answer isn't convincing yourself you care less about everything
Maybe it's caring more about the right things.
Playing piano. Singing. Making music because it still feels like home and because I can’t imagine not doing it. Hanging out with my family and my dog. Walking. Cooking proper food. Long summer days at the lake. A good cocktail (or wine) with friends. Getting back into workouts and sustainable movement. (There's a new infrared gym opening near me soon, which feels like exactly the kind of mildly ridiculous thing I'm willing to embrace.)
Maybe getting older isn't about becoming indifferent.
Maybe it's about becoming someone who's finally learned where their attention is worth spending. And me? I could definitely do with a tune-up.
Luckily, I know a good piano.